The challenge with all these blog things is that every time I write here I don’t actually feel as free as I should to articulate everything that I am thinking in my mind… perhaps though this isn’t the place to do it; a place where ones thoughts could be stumbled upon by some random passerby as they search for inconsequential things on the internet… where nothing is sacred not even ones thoughts….
I have to go back to Uni tomorrow… and for someone who has been looking at Monday March 3, 2008 as some sort of doomsday for the last few months I have to admit a feeling of certain indifference to the whole thing.
Yes, I will have to give up alot of my extra curricular, I’ll end up not making as much money as I am used to and end up depending on my parents a lot more… Singing will have to go on hiatus… as will other things…. but perhaps it will give me time to put other things into perspective as I work through nine subjects (NINE SUBJECTS!!!! In UNIVERSITY… I mean seriously!!!)
OK…. sigh… I’m chilling out…
But I have learned many things…. one of those were that my mother was right about something – but since this blog is read by my family, I will not specify what exactly she was right about…. suffice to say she was right and I have learned… though looking back I cannot say that would chose a different path if I had the choice of going back, but perhaps some future decision may hinge on this lesson…so it has not been in vain
Then there was something I learned about choices and change… true meaningful change.
Let me define what I call ‘true change’: (both for my benefit and that of the unfortunate reader who is now caught in the web of my words and cannot pry themselves away.) True change I believe occurs, when mindset and not habit is changed. One can try to be neat and tidy and make a habit of ensuring that their room is clean, however if their mindset has always been messy determination to keep the room clean only goes so far… and although this is quite simplistic – true change… is well its quite scary…
It requires an abandonment of old habits… not exceptions and looking into this rather daunting black hole of full time Uni and sitting on its cusp at 8pm on the day before I’m thinking… times up… choose now
but then you learn… that even though you choose now and inevitably fall on your ass later, you’ll loom closer and closer to the fact that you’ll have to face that choice, again and again and again….until… well until you die
and what is that choice you ask?
The choice to change – to become.
This is the dramatic part of my writing but since family reads this it makes me want to roll my eyes on their behalf. Even though on a level the words actually do resonate with me and perhaps with someone else….
The last of these lessons is about time… time and power. Time is a power so many of us hold clumsily in our youthful hands. Which leads me back to choices…and true change
We can choose what we do with our time… choose to change and not look back… choose and let time aid in our becoming…
Look how abstract I’ve gotten… I do understand myself at least
It’s 8.52.
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